Hey Hey,
Welcome to my not-so monthly newsletter, and I hope you have been having a nice. It has been a while since my last post. I am sorry to all my fans. Again I like to remind you that God’s timing is best.
It’s a Saturday, and I have just finished playing some good football. I am still a little bit out of shape, but class is permanent, so the ball still dey my body. I had one or two good moments and overall an excellent game of football. On the way back from football, I am listening to my friend talk about a book she read - she has a sick book club.
My friend shared an excerpt from a book at her book club and it reads thus:
“I will face my fear, I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past me, I will turn to see fear’s path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain”
I read this excerpt over and over again and it felt like the last 18 months of my life was summarised in this paragraph.
That fear was anxiety, fear of failing, fear of not being good enough, fear of never getting back on track. Fear’s path for me was last 18 months. I wrote two reflection pieces for my closest friends - One was a piece realising how much of shitshow life was and how scared I was, It was me realising that things were terrible for me, but irrespective of how bad they were, life would spin regardless. The other was a piece of me admitting I was going through it and I was hurting. I ended my reflection piece with the excerpt below:
18 months later, I have turned to see fear’s path, I have turned to see all of the anxiety and there is nothing - Only I remain.
I have made it through another tough period - in between the panic attacks and crying nights, it felt like I couldn’t make it through the next hour. I am learning that I have more capacity and grace than I could ever fathom. My friend Brenda wrote a beautiful excerpt and I will paraphrase for the sake of this newsletter and relate it to my experience
The weird thing about overcoming tough times is learning that your body can take it, that your eyes are fit to carry all these oceans of tears, that this back was made to slouch and crack but not break wholly. That my soul was made to take the stretch and to learn that this good body would not be lost at the expense of all the lessons and tribulations.
As I delve into new things and new experiences, I am trying to be very deliberate and aware that things will get hard, I will feel like everything is crumbling but hopefully, I can come back to this and remind myself that at some point I was at my lowest and somehow I made it through.
Shout out my support system, my best friend, my lovers all over. This is a fave photo of someone I think is really cool. Listen to Yakuza today.
See you in a couple of weeks and remember to always have a nice! I am looking to rebrand so send me style inspirations.