The sun will rise and we will try again
On our sad days, I hope memories of happier times and hope for better days carry us through
Hello,
It’s been a minute, let’s just say there are no rules and I have been having a nice. For the people who asked me why the “monthly” newsletter hasn’t come out yet…
The newsletter was due 4 weeks ago but Gods timing is best
Quick life update on the last 6 weeks. I spent 5 weeks with the LOML, and it was a fucking amazing experience. I hadn’t seen my best friend in 2 years, and I could not articulate how great a feeling it was to see my best friend again and do our best friend handshake. Further re-inforces my relatively unconventional perspective that best friend > girlfriend. Swiftly moving into this month’s newsletter, I would once again like to overshare with the inter-webs. For the next couple of months or weeks, I want to do a series where I talk about my decision to empty my account and travel to several countries on the continent. As an educated man who has common sense, I decided to travel to 4 countries during the pandemic’s peak, you guessed it. I caught Covid eventually. I will begin this series in May.
But in the meantime, I will update you on the last couple of weeks, going through the feels and withdrawing a job application for a very coveted company. I have had a fun couple of weeks in Accra, but I had to return home because money is scarce innit. I was travelling from Accra to Lagos, and my flight was scheduled for 7:30 AM Saturday morning. The day is Friday, a day not meant for work, but we have to pretend we work on this day due to Capitalism constraints. I am already wavy at 3 PM and feeling nice; the day got emotional as I had the last dinner with Seygua. If you have not read my piece on my best friend, click here. We spent the night discussing, laughing and just spending time in silence, living in the moment, deeping how beautiful a relationship we have. Seygua is hands down the best thing to happen to me - Love my best friend. Anyways, we parted ways, took a lot of pictures, and I was going to grab drinks.
The plan was to grab drinks - polite drinking, say hello and bye to the mandem and be back home at 11 PM to pack for my flight. Take a quick guess and predict how that night went… I had so many tequila shots it started tasting like water (I blame my Kenyan friends). Most importantly, I felt the need to catch a whine one last time in Accra and see the beautiful Efya’s and Akua’s. Long story short, I was in the clubs till 4 AM and I had to rush home, pack my bags and get an uber to take me to the airport. I made it on time, but I was barely alive. To summarise my Accra experience, I had so much fun, met new people, spoke to tall beautiful women and I all-round felt a lot of love. It was great.
That was the good part, now unto the sad, not cute stuff. As you know, I am actively searching for jobs right. Here to share another L with yousss. I withdrew an application to a top firm because I was failing the assessment and that was what made the most sense to me at the time.
I have had a hectic week. This was a week where it felt like I was drowning but somehow managing to stay afloat.
In the last 2 weeks or so, “How are you?” has taken a completely different meaning and it is almost impossible to brush past it and say I am fine, it also feels like it is impossible to articulate the true answers as I think I am constantly weighed down by the load of the question or the reality of the answers. Life has been very very demanding and I have been balancing a lot of anxiety, panic around the future, what my next step is and just trying to get some more clarity for my life.
After multiple failed attempts to resuscitate my energy levels and find some inspiration to prepare for the all so “important assessment”. I woke up on this beautiful Saturday morning lacking the energy and enthusiasm to do fuck all.
I messaged Seygzy saying I was going through it and not in a mental position to take the test and that I wanted to reschedule; however, I knew that there would never be enough time to be ready. So I tried mustering some strength, psyched myself, and I was prepared for the assessment.
I had 10+ questions to answer in 30 - 45 minutes. I started, my heart racing, my mind overthinking the most basic things, and before I knew it, I spent 5 minutes reading 4 lines, and the options were blurry in my head. Fast-forward to question 3, I look up, and my timer says I have 10 minutes to go. At this rate, I was 100% sure it was not working out. If it took me 25 minutes to answer 3 questions, I was never answering 7 questions in the remaining time. I message Seygz as my timer was counting like yeaa… I’m done. Long story short, I closed the tab and emailed the company to withdraw my application.
I went through a number of emotions as I withdrew the offer. I was angry, scared but ultimately very content and happy. As I sat outside, enjoying the fresh air and staring into space it became increasingly clear that my self-worth was not tied to one assessment I could not take.
At my lowest point, two things came to mind
The Sun will rise and we will try again
Just a couple of weeks ago, I was beaming with happiness, love and excitement and I had to tell myself that:
“On the days we wake up with endless excitement, experience bare happiness and unfathomable joy, I hope we can store enough of it for sad and anxious days, for days we feel less adequate”
The second quote made a lot more sense to me and I was happy I was able to tap into that bag. I hope in times when shit goes left for you, you do not use that one circumstance to define our worth and experience.
I will try to be more consistent. This is the 3rd newsletter and frankly, I did not think I will make it past 1 so shout out to me. Also shout out the Dark Skinned Society, if you have not seen the video. Check it here.
See you in a couple of weeks and remember to always have a nice!
- Your fave’s fave
i love it. it made me think and it made me laugh and shout out to the dss of course
my one and only medium writer. This was a fun read. Ls are temporary, but enjoyment is eternal.